Alone in beautiful, tropical Queensland with only a book and a busy brain for company. Overthinking all the things, worrying and hurdling what ifs?
Is this what it will feel like if our daughter moves away to work and build her own identity and life?
Is this how my mother felt when I did the same a million lifetimes ago when I was bolder and braver and never stopped to think I couldn’t handle everything.
I’m so proud of our daughter for being brave and strong and taking risks but I’m sad that I’ll lose her company. I didn’t realise how much a part of my day-to-day our often tiny interactions mean.
They fill a space in my pretty solitary life in a way that other relationships don’t. Spouse is different, son different again and work, a whole other ball of wax.
A taste of my girl moving – growing her independence and hopefully happiness, is as much an adjustment for me. People keep asking how I’ll feel if she gets a job interstate, and I’ve acknowledged I’d miss her but am proud she’s making the most of opportunities.
Now, being alone on vacation while she interviews and attends events with the goal of impressing potential employers in the tourism industry, I realise how redundant I am.
I’ve done my part – with my husband, raising a beautiful, kind, smart, brave young woman and now she belongs to the world. It’s hers to make the life she wants.
This is what happy sadness feels like.
PostScript: We were home from vacation for two days before the phone call came. On Monday 28 October a job offer came through. It was the one she wanted, so she’s about to fly the coop!
Bracing myself …
November 19: She’s gone – for an initial six months of island life in Queensland. She is very happy – I’m adjusting.
